Man attempts to smuggle self into Spain, dressed as a car seat

Disregarding the obvious safety concerns, wouldn't that just be the WORST time to get uh, y'know, 'aroused'?

Man arrested for having sex with a sofa in public

Man quoted as saying "Oh, you said to practice SAFER sex..." (Not really)

Zombie bees. ZOMBIE. BEES.

That's it, I'm out. Last one to leave the planet, turn the lights off. This is real. It is a thing. It is happening. Everybody run.

Turkish emergency services mobilise to save a drowning sex doll

As 'well meaning' as some folks undoubtedly are, sometimes, all your 'moral fibre' gets you is a soggy inflatable sex aid. 

Drunk woman thinks she's a pirate. Steals a ferry to prove it.

We've all been there, right? A couple of beers, a late night, and police reports that you went on a bender and stole an ENTIRE FERRY, claiming you were a pirate?

Million-strong synchronised toilet flush scheduled in Zimbabwe

One to add to the 'Things I Know About Zimbabwe' category.

[VIDEO] Piglet saves goat from drowning

In a marvellous display of cross-species compassion (except from the humans, who stood and did nothing), watch this brave, young Future Bacon Sandwich rescue a goat whose foot (hoof?) is trapped beneath the water. 

Expect Disney to pick up the movie rights to this news story in the next few days. 

[Source: Newslite]

Man chops off own hands to stop himself from stealing

27-year-old Egyptian man, Ali Afifi, apparently couldn't stop himself from stealing by sheer willpower alone. Obviously, the only logical solution was to chop off his hands. That's not the best part.

Hello, universe!

The Captain here, aboard the H.M.S. W.T.F, currently orbiting Earth in stealth mode, filling most of my days by observing the seriously crazy, occasionally messed-up crap that some of you people get up to.

For my own amusement, I'll be logging some of the best examples here, as a sort-of catalogue of the Human species. You're an odd bunch, aren't you?